Christmas Day 2012

This past Christmas was one of the best since I can remember, all my siblings were together for the first time in several years.  I am so overwhelmed with gratitude as I look at these pictures of the kids.  My dad was on my mind most of the day since he was unable to spend Christmas with us.  He has sacrificed alot to help his family and provide for them and I know he feels nothing but happiness knowing his kids are warm and toasty at home even though he has to freeze his bits of in ND.

December 2012

This was the first Christmas Z really was able to understand what Christmas was all about, she still sometimes gets Jesus and Joseph mixed up but it was so special teaching her about Christ's birth and listening to the types of questions that would pop into her mind.  It made this past Christmas one of the best for Jake and I, reminding us of the true spirit of Christmas.

 Over Christmas break we took a trip up to the cabin with our friends.  And of course we got snowed in, we were forced to survive off of caffeine free dr. pepper that my grandmother always stocks up there and a pack of oreos that we had brought with us.  The girls had a lot of fun in the snow until they realized they couldn't feel there fingers then we had a bit of a melt down.  I am so grateful for our friends Stephon and Minna they are generous and thoughtful and just plain fun.

 Of course Jakes would be using his phone despite the snow.

letter to papa

With my dad living in North Dakota I often get texts and emails from my dad inquiring about Jazelle.  He always is curious about the things she does and says and I think Jazelle's special love for my dad brings him alot of comfort and joy since he has to be so far away from his family.  I recent;y sent him this letter.....

dear dad, 

Jelly is fine, we are trying to figure out where to send her to school next year for preschool and it's hard because every place we look is so expensive and I feel like the teachers are just getting paid for babysitting vs if I could teach her myself then I know she would be learning something.  Jake is looking for a house for us to move into but neither of us are really excited about it because of the pressure and strain a mortgage brings.  Hopefully it will work out to where we can live here or close to mom until I graduate, I would hate to drive jazelle to mom's everyday so that I can go to school it has been such a blessing to live 20 ft from mom she is always so willing to watch jazelle even on the weekends when jake and I want to go out she never says no.  Yesterday I was studying and Jazelle told jake, "why aren't you guys taking care of me?"  I thought to myself how much more guilty I would feel if I didn't have mom, nathan and jelly's friends to entertain her so much of the time.  This morning jazelle said, "i got my own breakfast water and grapes" I thought it was so funny that she was taking care of herself and she really does.  She climbs up into the fridge and into the cupboards and gets down anything she wants.  But she is so good this morning she ate some cookies sitting on the counter and she said " I'm so silly I should have asked I'm sorry" even though I didn't express any disappointment in the fact that she was eating cookies and grapes for breakfast, it sounded well balanced to me. I love you dad.

jourdan

October 2012

October of 2012, there are a few pics I wanted to post from October so that as not to forget them.  In October my brother Nathan came home from his mission, which I thought was so exciting at the time, wondering what kind of man Nathan had become in the past two years.  My excitement soon turned into mixed emotions of rage and confusion. I found myself shouting "Nathan are you kidding me?" or "Seriously, is that yours?" as Nathan waltz around as if he was still 14 and I was 16 and the TV was the hottest commodity.  I quickly realized a mission is not some sort of magic potion we give to young boys to make them men.  I say this only because Nathan is still wonderfully Nathan and although I wish he would have picked up a few skills like how to clean a toilet or how to do the dishes a part of me is so glad his personality is exactly how I remember it.  He still always has something funny to say, he still spills food on the carpet and he still thinks the world revolves around him instead of me which of course it does.  There is no point in growing up too fast and although I would rather not have to remind him to turn the tv down cuz I'm 25 and my bed time is 9pm or that no man should wear that much cologne, I'm glad to have him back he is a good brother who loves his family and the gospel and after all change is overrated.

October was also the month Z's friend Taya was moving to UT, so we had one last harrrraaaaaa and Z and I hosted a little Halloween craft party.  We made superhero masks and capes and just had some plain ol' kid fun

(in the pic we have Katie, Jazelle, Janie & Taya)

This little red head boy is one of the cutest kids, every time he sees me in the hallway at church he reminds me that I told him we were in the "red head club together" Brannon is his name.

Starting Preschool

I literally sat in the parking lot around the corner from her preschool on the first day of school, contemplating... "should I go back, what should I do?"  I had no idea that day would hit me as it did.  But somehow Jazelle's first day of preschool hit me like a ton of bricks reminding me that it would all be over before I knew it and that she would be grown and I would be left staying up late nights drinking weird tea for my arthritis and reading books and watching the 27th season of Law & Order.  Wait, just wait, don't take another step without me watching, don't say one more word without me listening, don't use another tear without me there to hold you.  There has to be a way to bottle up my memories and save them for my rocking chair days.  

summer of 2012 comes to an end.

My little girl turned four over the summer.  She got to spend the day playing with her two best friends Taya and Janie.  Jazelle really loves them both.  Taya is strong and creative, she loves to help Jazelle and teach her things and she loves to be the mom, it is so funny to watch her talk to her little brother Dodger as if she bore the kid herself.  She is kinda like me in that way, I was also the little girl running around making sure everyone did their chores and went to church.  Janie is as free-spirited as they come.  She really doesn't have time to fight with Jazelle because she is too busy having fun.  This sometimes throws Jazelle off, who I swear is thinking, "Hey wait Janie, let's talk about this", every-time and attempted catastrophe falls through because Janie's simply says, "okay Jazelle you can have that toy, I'll play with this dirt instead, it looks more interesting anyways". Usually Janie is picking flowers while Jazelle is still crying in the corner.  How can you not love this kid.  Both Taya and Janie are such sweet special girls.  I'm grateful for them and their mom's whom I LOVE to no end. 

This little girl was sent to me so that every day that I am alive I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.  This simply message was difficult for me to hear from him for many years.  And now I don't see how I can ever forget it.  She is so ridiculously sassy and outspoken I sometimes give up correcting her because I believe it is impossible for her to actually speak like a lady.  And also I really don't blame her because when she start mouthing off it's almost like watching my own lips move on her face.  Wow she is only four, maybe I should enact an intervention soon.  But then again can you honestly re-bake a cake?  I don't think so, we might be in for a long haul, I should just try and settle in.  A few jazellyisms:
1. my mom pushes her seat back in the mini cooper and jazelle's legs get smooshed, jazelle says, "momsie take it easy"
2. Jazelle spills her sippy cup on the floor and she says, "freakin damn it".
3. I say to her, "good night little girl", she replies, "my name is NOT LITTLE girl".
4. Jazelle singing.... "aahhhhhh ahhhhh close to you" by the carpenters at the top of her lungs at the cabin as Becky, holly Ty, mother and I play cards.  I think I saw mother's eyes twinkle when Jazelle did this.
5. "you picked me and then you said Jesus can I please have Jazelle"
It is sad to be in school and be missing all these moments with my child. I hope that she will be proud of me when she is older and that I will have enough memories of her as a little girl to tide me over for a lifetime.  I literally miss her even when she is in the next room sleeping.  She is so keenly aware of everything around her.  And she is smart.  Smarter than I am.  I often think to myself that I am the puppet and Jazelle is the puppet master.  She seems to know just what to say to get what she wants,  explaining in great detail why going to bed doesn't make any sense and then if that doesn't work she can throw a fit or two.

2012 summer in a nutshell

This life is going by me so fast. I cry when I think about the inches my child has grown.  This past summer we spent a couple weeks at my sisters house. Jonah had a birthday and Tom and Jerry fought as usual but I miss the summer and I miss my Jazelly.  It is December now and I have finished block 2 of nursing school.  This is the first full breath I have taken since August and I am going to use it to jot down a few things I don't want to forget. 

Tom & Jerry exhibit A: "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" should be permanently tattooed on the faces of these two little girls. They both are so strong headed the claws come out when they get together.  They are so sly with their devilish grins... I think I heard Truly mouth to Jelly, "smile jelly, so she goes away" as I was taking this picture.

There are three people in this world who are truly treat jelly like a little princess.  #1 is papa, #2 is her cousin Avery and #3 is Tad.  Tad takes such good care of jelly, protecting her, playing whatever games she wants, getting her whatever she wants or needs.  Jelly has no idea how good she has it with people in her life like papa, avery, tad and burt.  Burt treats jelly like a queen too he literally follows her around  like a little puppy dog.

Jelly had a locket and asked me for a picture of papa to put in it.  I was surprised she even knew what the locket was for.  She is constantly asking me, when is papa coming home, why is he taking so long?

Jazelle's friend Taya moved recently and I think Jazelle is finally coming to the realization that Taya doesn't live around the corner from us anymore. She usually says "I miss Taya" when we pull into our neighborhood and she is able to glance down the road where Taya once lived.  I try and change the subject so she doesn't start crying.  And so that I don't start crying as well, I miss my Ashley, (Taya's mom) and things are still a bit gloomy in our neighborhood without them around.